


Vain

by Sporadic_fics



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Bucky is injured, F/M, Fluff, Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Sleepy confessions, Steve and Bucky are on the run
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-28
Updated: 2019-09-28
Packaged: 2020-10-29 22:10:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,021
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20803787
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sporadic_fics/pseuds/Sporadic_fics
Summary: Steve has to drop off an injured Bucky to an old friend who is ex-shield. Bucky and the ex-shield reader have to share an apartment together until Steve gets back.





	Vain

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by the song Vain by Kirby. This is part of the 1.5kconstellationschallenge by @sunmoonandbucky on Tumblr.  
I am Sporadic-fics on Tumblr!

You and Bucky had spent more time with each other than expected, after all, Steve had said he would be back as soon as possible but that had been almost a year ago. 

There had  been a loud knock on your door, so loud and urgent that it had startled you out of your sleep from the couch in your living room. You grumbled as you opened the door, your bleary eyes widening in surprise when you took in Steve Rogers. He gave a tired smile, his eyes looking like they were about to close as he held onto the door frame.

“Aren’t you on the run?” He winced before nodding. 

“You are one of the most off the grid people I know and I need you to look after my friend,” he looked down and rubbed his neck. “I know it is inconvenient but I really need your help Y/N.”

Steve pulled back from the door to nod at someone who wasn’t in your view and you tensed, itching for your gun which was strapped to the door. It was in your reach and you didn’t even have to look at it to know how you could reach it subtly. It was a perk of being ex-Shield. 

The man that walked in front of you was clearly exhausted, he had dark circles under his eyes and he was pale. His gaze was attentive and his posture was stiff so he was on alert, his shoulders were hunched and he just looked like he wanted a nice long bath. He was also holding a severed metal arm that had a tiny slither of a red point at the top and your breath hitched, it was the confirmation you needed and you looked at Steve with panic.

“This is Bucky, he’s my friend and he needs to lay low while I get other friends out of prison.” 

You sucked in a breath knowing full well what had happened in Germany, that there was a battle between Steve and Tony Stark. You also knew that Steve had lost, it was playing all over radio channels that you had hacked into, ex-Shield members whispering in shock at what had happened, “the accords?”

“I don’t know where else to go.” Steve looked desperate so you tilted your head behind you to indicate that they could come in. The relieved smile on Steve’s face was worth any risk alone. 

Steve turned to Bucky and placed a hand on his shoulder and looked at him with concern. “Buck, you can trust her. You are safe with her and she is safe with you, I will be as quick as I can and contact when possible.”

Bucky nodded, he was unsure but he agreed with Steve anyway, letting him leave with no complaint. Steve looked at you, nodded with gratitude and left, leaving you and Bucky in uncomfortable silence as you led Bucky into your small home.

Bucky didn’t say anything, instead, he walked around the apartment looking for anything suspicious. His severed arm laid on the table as he ran his fingers along crevices such as windowsills, under countertops and chairs. Bucky didn’t stop after he searched the main area of your house, he went to search all the other rooms as well.

Short hums of appreciation were heard when he spotted the guns and other weapons, he even flipped a few knives in his hand before putting them back. You didn’t mind him searching your home, there wasn’t anything to be embarrassed about but it did make you feel uneasy when he opened your bedroom door. A bedroom to you was a private place so you coughed uncomfortably and went to touch his arm, just as you were about to retract it knowing that it would be a bad idea he whirled round and gripped your wrist. 

It was surprising how fast his grip went from startlingly painful to amazingly delicate, his face softened from its snarl to one of regret and he took a step back. An apology was written over his face but you beat him to it.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have gone to touch you. It was just a habit, I’m used to working silently.” His breathing was still harsh but he nodded, accepting your apology. “Your arm looks like it is giving you some grief, do you want me to look at it? I’m used to working with technology like this.”

He nodded and sat on the couch, his hand gripping the cushion next to him as you collected your tools to see to his arm. Your tool kit was in the bottom of your closet and you kept the door open so Bucky could peer in, you didn’t want the room to appear too much of a secret so he didn’t end up rummaging through it or not trusting you. 

You sat next to him, your legs crossed and the toolkit was placed gently in his lap. Bucky wrapped a hand around it to keep it from shifting, he examined the tools with interest, seeing that the Shield logo had been scratched away from each and every tool. He appreciated that a lot.

“So, Bucky, I won’t be able to attach the arm but I can make it so all of these wires don’t stick out. I’m assuming that you can feel when your arm is full attached? Is it wired into your spine?”

“I have sensors in it and yes, it is attached to my spine. Do I need to take my shirt off for you?”

“No, you can keep it on unless you are uncomfortable wearing it.” You noticed how he tensed up but left the offer open for him, you had to hold in the shocked gasp at his arm. It was amazing how his arm worked, that it could work and feel just like any other arm but you could only imagine the pain he had to go through to get it fitted.

You softly grabbed some of the wires so you could start the process of cutting them off and closing them, you thought of them as nerves so you kept your grip gentle. He tried to suppress winces and hisses of pain, you could tell by how his jaw clenched and how he would rake his teeth over his bottom lip. You paused and took off your belt, folding it and placing it in front of his face, “bite onto it if you need to, okay?”

He opened his mouth slowly, releasing tension from his jaw, and bit into the leather. He nodded to show that he was ready and you stroked the stump of his metal shoulder, hoping he could feel the comfort before you went back to sorting the wires. The wires were a quick and easy process so you were glad for that, you were sure Bucky was as well judging by the paleness of his face and the small beads of sweat falling down his temple from his hairline.

You grabbed some pliers and a metal file to get rid of the sharp metal shards that had cut his tactical gear, it had to go so it wouldn’t cut his torso or any furniture but you hesitated, unsure of how much pain he would feel. He saw you hesitate and turned to you, taking the leather belt out of his mouth.

“I will feel it but it won’t be painful,” he considered your apprehension and added with a pained smile, “I promise.”

He put the leather on his lap and leant back into the couch with a tired sigh so you took it as your queue to continue with the job. It was a slow process, you were sure that Bucky was falling asleep as you heard tiny snores coming from him every now and then before a small cough. You ran your thumb along the metal to check that it was as even and rounded as possible and you were glad to see that it was.

The last job was to get a cover to keep everything safe and secure and you ran through your mind as to what materials you could use for a temporary cover. A few came to mind so you stood, “I’m just going to get something to cover the open area, I can send my friend some measurements to get them to make a more appropriate cover until you can get your arm full fixed.”

He sleepily grunted so you went into your room and grabbed the supplies, rushing to get back to him so he didn’t fall asleep on you. He was lolling more to the side when you got back to him and you whispered a greeting so he knew that you were there, he replied with a flick of the wrist that you supposed was a wave.

You took a pair of tights, cut roughly about where the swell of your calf would start and rolled it up the metal stump, folding the excess a portion way up it so it would stay in place. You then took an old shirt and cut the arm off so you could roll it up where the cut tight laid, the excess at the bottom was tied into a secure knot and with that, it was done.

“Bucky? I know you are exhausted so I am not going to make you have a shower or anything but I have some wet wipes and deodorant for you so you can feel a little bit more alive.” 

You pressed the deodorant, face and body wipes into his hand and grabbed the toolbox in return so you could put everything away and give him some privacy. After you had put everything away you looked at your phone to see three messages from Steve.

**I’m sorry about not contacting you sooner, I was too busy trying to fly from Siberia and making sure there was nobody following us.**

**Bucky has trigger words so if you say anything and he freezes and says stop then assume its that and don’t say it again.**

**I hope Buck is okay and I will be back as soon as I can, thank you so much for this. I owe you one.**

You rolled your eyes, practically feeling Steve’s gratitude and anxiety so as you walked back to Bucky (making sure to get him a bottle of water on the way) you sent Steve a text back:

**Don’t worry about it, he will be safe here as long as needed and I will make sure he is okay. Be safe.**

Bucky was stood awkwardly with a bundle of clothes and a few used wipes in his hand. He looked better now, the grime and sweat being wiped away to reveal a thankful man with a shy smile. His torso was revealed and it had pale scars all along it, with green and purple bruising dancing over them and you couldn’t help but hiss at the phantom pain you felt across your stomach.

“Do you want any painkillers? Your stomach looks sore.” You knew that he must have had a hard beating to have that much bruising after wearing a thick tactical vest. You were surprised when he shook his head but you accepted it nonetheless. “Okay, the bin is over there for your wipes and if you give me your clothes I can wash and repair them in the morning.”

You lifted the coffee table lid to pull out a thick pillow and a nice fuzzy blanket and placed them on the couch before grabbing the pile of clothes from Bucky to put them in the basket by the door so you could do it first thing in the morning.

“Thank you.” 

You sat on the single chair across from him as you stretched your neck.

“It’s honestly not a problem. Any friend of Steve’s is a friend of mine.” He sat back on the couch, placed the pillow by the arm and bundled the blanket around him so he could lay down on the comfy couch. “Before you go to sleep, I just have a few rules and questions.”

He was on his side watching you intently and nodded, you noticed his Adam's apple bob as he swallowed.

“Okay so first of all, I get that you want weapons with you as a safety net, I know you have seen my collection, but please try and keep all stabby and shooty activities to a minimum unless in danger

“Secondly, if you need any help at all please do not hesitate to talk to me. It doesn’t matter what the time is or what I am doing, you can always talk to me. If you are uncomfortable or anything, again, let me know. Lastly, just keep the place clean and tidy. If you use something then just put it away.”

His body visibly relaxed and he nodded his head, “I can do that.”

It took several weeks for Bucky to start talking to you without it being awkward, at first it looked like it was physically hurting him when he had to ask you something so you were patient and kind when you answered, trying to make sure he felt comfortable. 

Bucky didn’t seem to want his arm fixed either, he was content with the cap you had a friend create, enjoying how light it felt in comparison to the heavy metal arm he was used to so every time you offered to contact one of your ex-shield friends so they could fix the entire arm, so he didn’t just have a cap but he shook his head with a warm smile. After offering twice you didn’t offer again but you made sure he knew that the offer would always be there.

Over time he became more and more domestic, he would settle next to you and watch television, occasionally chipping in when he thought something was too unrealistic (he had a speciality in watching fight sequences and seeing what they did right or wrong) but he wouldn’t admit any fault to the Star Wars films, especially the original trilogy. It was the one franchise he would sit through and stay quiet (unless he was quoting parts of the film which warmed your heart). 

It was on such a domestic occasion that you found him sprawled on the couch with a blanket wrapped around his shoulders, his hair messily tied up and his eyes wide as he watched a movie. He was muttering to himself about how that move wasn’t possible, not even for him with his enhancements, but he opened the blanket up so you could sit with him, his warmth embracing you.

“What are you watching?”

“First Blood,” he turned to you, his attention only on you and not the movie. “It’s amazing, I have watched it three times and I still find it fascinating.”

“I know, it’s great.” 

You tucked a loose strand of hair behind his ear with a smile as he paused the movie, his posture became stiff, “Do you mind if you help cut my hair?”

“Of course not.”

So you had him sitting in front of you so you could brush his long brown locks, his hair was way past his shoulders now with an array of split ends but you had left him in charge of that. Bucky was a very independent man who did everything himself, he didn’t mind hearing your opinions but his thought was the final on anything to do with him. He wouldn’t even buy the nice shirt you had suggested because he felt like the colour of the shirt clashed with the silver of his arm.

“Just all the dead off,” he waved his hand frustratedly at his hair. “I don’t care how much, just get rid of all the fuzzy split ends.”

He was tense, not moving a muscle as you cut his hair. It was methodical, cutting one section at a time before combing his hair to make sure it was all even. His hair was soft to your touch and as you finished cutting his hair, you ran your hands through it to tease it to one side before passing him a mirror. His hair was still long enough for him to tie up which you knew he would appreciate as he smiled and gave you a thumbs-up through the mirror.

After cutting his hair you decided to pamper the ex-assassin by running him a bath full of bubbles and playing some music on Spotify that you knew he liked so some of the tension could ease from his shoulders. As he relaxed in the bath with the water running, you couldn’t help but raise a brow at him, confused at him being so comfortable with you. He was usually very private, enjoying his alone time but he just steadily heaved himself into the bath as you put away the bubble bath.

“Something tells me you know what I’ve been through,” Bucky blurted as he nestled into the warm water, his eyes closed and his head rested on the side of the tub. “I see the way you analyse things, every fight scene, every escape route, just like me.”

“Sort of, I’ve fought for people, both good and bad. I didn’t know I was working for Hydra though and I wasn’t as controlled as you,” sitting down next to the tub, back pressed against it, you sighed. “I should have known better.”

“How could you have possibly known?” He shifted so his head was tilted towards you, his blue eyes piercing yours.

“The number of innocents that Hydra put in danger…” you shook your head. “That I put in danger.”

“We both did that and we learn from our mistakes,” His fingers that had rested on the side of the tub ran through your hair soothingly. “If I spent my life blaming myself for what I did in the past then I wouldn’t be where I am now accepting help and having a friend.” 

“Have I mentioned lately how much I respect you, Bucky?”

He laughed and sat up to press a kiss to the crown of your head, letting his hand trail down your arm so he could tangle his fingers with your own. His hand was warm, with small calluses from how often he worked out and fiddled with his knives but it soothed your nerves and you felt yourself melt into him.

“Can I tell you a secret?”

“Of course you can.” 

“I think I forgot how to love, is that strange?” His hand tightened around yours, he was unsure and wanted to keep it to himself after he had blurted it out to you.

“You’ve been hurt for so long, it makes sense to think that.” His hand released itself from yours, dragging up your arm to stroke along your collarbone, heat rushed to your face when his fingers curled around your throat for a split second before he went back to caressing your collarbone. “I am sure you will remember again, if not then I am sure you will learn to love.”

“How do I know what that feels like?”

“I’m not sure myself, I am still yet to learn.”

Bucky hummed as he continued his lazy strokes on your skin, wondering whether the fluttering in his chest was perhaps an indicator of love. He wasn’t sure though and that scared him immensely, he hated how he couldn’t fully trust his feelings. Not just yet.

  
  


It was a cold night and you were curled up in bed enjoying the thick duvet around your cold frame when there was a knock on your door.

“Come on in, Buck.”

Concern blossomed in your chest because this wasn’t like Bucky. After you had closed your bedroom door on the first night he stayed he had decided to keep away from it, to keep your bedroom as your own personal space, he wouldn’t even look in it when the door was open and you talked to him from it.

The door opened to reveal an exhausted Bucky, the thick blanket he always slept with was covering his shoulders and he was shivering, so much so that his teeth were chattering. You sat up against your headboard, pulling the duvet up with you, and patted the bed for him to sit down.

“I’m so cold.”

He was, you could feel the cold radiating off of him as he shivered, his eyes hooded with sleep, so you pulled back the covers for him to join you. His body was freezing in comparison to yours so you held him close to try and warm him up, your hand rubbing up and down his back to generate some warmth.

“I hate the cold so much.”

“I know, Buck, I know.” He curled around you, he cold nose nuzzling into your hair. You hummed as he hugged you tightly, his body slowly relaxing as your warmth embraced him. “I didn’t realise it was so cold out there, I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay,” he moaned into your hair. “You’re so warm, it’s lovely.”

“Yeah?” You were overwhelmed, with his body was snug against yours, his heart rate raced against your ear and his breathing became heavy. You fought against trembling but it won over as you carried on running your hand down his back, it had snuck under the blanket that was still wrapped around his shoulders so you could feel the thick muscle.

He shifted, his nose trailing down to your temple so he could gently press his lips to your cheek, “Something tells me that after I do this, I won’t feel the same.” 

You moved your lips towards his tentatively, gently pressing them together. It was slow, sweet and Bucky held you softly, his hand was tangled in your hair as he pulled you towards him. You pushed forward so his leg was between yours, a whimper fell from you as you tried to deepen to kiss.

“You sound like an angel singing when you make noises like that,” he rocked forward so he rubbed against your core, you made another whimper. He laughed against your lips before pressing another kiss to you, this time he was more passionate as he kissed you until your lungs burned.

“I tried to hide my feelings for so long,” you whispered when you pulled away. “Please tell me that you have these feelings as well, that it isn’t just a fuck.”

Bucky was right about how he would feel different after kissing you, he felt a connection that he knew he hadn’t felt in a long time. His chest felt tight with an overwhelming feeling of love as he held you against him, he wanted this to last forever and for the first time in his life he didn’t just want Steve by his side, he also wanted you. 

The kiss confirmed that you at least lusted for him but when you whispered those words to him about how you had held back your feelings for so long, he knew that this wasn’t just lust.

“I promise you that it isn’t just a fuck,” he kissed you again, trying to show how much you meant to him. “I’ve wanted you for so long, I honestly don’t know how I kept myself from admitting to you that I-”

He was unsure whether he should tell you or not, knowing that it was so early on but your eyes softened and your hand cupped his cheek. 

“I know,” he smiled at your reassuring tone and hugged you close so you could both settle into the bed. As much as he wanted your body, to worship it with kisses and hear your moans fill the room he just wanted to hold you while you slept. It had been a while since had a full night of peaceful sleep and he just knew that holding you close against him would ensure he would have a good night sleep. He stroked your hair until you fell asleep, enjoying how your body fit with his.

“I love you.”


End file.
